An Ode to Harry Kane


Harry Kane, you’re a bloody legend,

Because you mostly score when you like,

And I don’t mean for this to sound creepy,

But I think I love you more than my wife (don’t worry – she never reads my blogs).


Haters will say you only score tap-ins,

And that you're actually just a bit crap,

But if you’re talking to one of these morons,

Then just hit them with some of these stats.....


Eight hat-tricks in all competitions,

You truly are one of a kind,

As you have scored more of them than Ronaldo….

And Cavani & Messi combined (in 2017).


To think we nearly bought Berahino,

£25 million we refused to bankroll,

Did you know that you have scored 77 times,

Since he last managed a goal?


In 2017 you’ve been majestic,

56 goals in a calendar year,

But spare a thought for Alvaro Morata,

Who’s scored less in his entire career!


We know that you love a good hat-trick,

Putting every defence to the sword,

But did you know that you account for 3%,

Of all the hat-tricks that have ever been scored? (in Premier League history)


If your form somehow got any hotter,

I’m sure you’d spontaneously combust,

56 goals is an incredible feat,

And you don’t even work in August!


You are now officially better than Shearer,

Which has seemingly paved the way,

For an even better career as a pundit,

Chatting bullshit on Match of the Day!


139 career goals and counting,

With plenty more still left to plunder,

That’s nine hat-tricks & two Golden Boots so far,

Not bad for a one season wonder!